Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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