My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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