Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
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Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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