it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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