Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
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Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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