if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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