He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
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Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
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Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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