He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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