It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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