o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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