I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
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All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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