She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize