Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize