yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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