I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
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BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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