You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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