Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
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I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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