After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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