He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
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Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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