There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize