We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize