Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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