my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
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Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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