Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize