i just wanna soil my oats bro
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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