Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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