If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
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Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
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I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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