forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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