She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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