i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize