This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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