I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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