I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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