i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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