it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize