Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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