There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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