she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
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he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
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You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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