I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize