Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize