I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize