i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize