You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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