Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize