so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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