Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
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we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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