As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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