my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My balls are so social today.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize