You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
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If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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