There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
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Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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